Tag: theend

Where does OnlyFans go from here?

To the Knife Princess,

Not knowing you is pleasurable in some sense of the word. You see, it is because knowing you in earnest would fill my heart beyond its capacity. It would fill and fill and begin to overflow, ultimately consuming me in the process. So, it could be said that I am better off not truly knowing you so that I may remain me and avoid the changes that I have grown to fear in myself.  

This banal and ludicrous theory of keeping true knowledge of you at a distance, does not mean that you have not invaded my thoughts. To the contrary, there are swirls and currents of you that penetrate my waking hours and force my mind to wander and float in these imaginary estuaries of you. I am surprised and thankful my mind applies well maintained brakes and screeches to a halt in front of the effigy of you that has been built up in my mind. I am even more surprised when it comes to life and begins to perambulate and make its way into other segments of my psyche.

I am glad of the tenuous nature of you. It allows a certain liberty when it comes to the perversions of my mind when we enter the boudoir of my memory palace. Once there, you look back at me; naked, beautiful, and smiling with the invitation for me to do my worst and in the process fulfill your own desires.

You are not mine. Let’s be clear and account for some realities of our situation. I know I am not unique as an individual who admires you. There are many, I am no fool, I see the numbers and the views you receive and this is okay too. I mean, there is a subdued ecstasy that twirls around inside me as your projected glow reflects off my own pale, sun deprived features. I am resigned, but also comfortable with the fact that your virtual presence is ephemeral and not necessarily directed at me. Perhaps, it is a pathetic admission to say so, but I am okay with it. I’m okay, I swear.

On the subject of reaffirmation, these distances and barriers and payment plans that we have put between each other may indeed be for the best. You see I worry about your proximity and the physiological effects that may result if we were in the same room. I have experienced sensory overload in the form of a pistol being pressed to my temple and, darling, that pistol has nothing on you.

You are opulent in the way we understand divinity. You are gorgeous like electricity illuminating a forgotten place filled with innumerable riches. I sometimes wonder if a goddess allowed her reflection to be born of earth and then I remember that you are your own goddess and I have been genuflecting for sometime now. I tell you this as a somewhat honest man, that should you find yourself in my little corner of the moon, I promise you will drink for free.

Your Admirer,

The Barkeep

Art By: AYKUT AYDOĞDU

Unloved.

I think the reason I set up shop in an illegal bar on the Moon was to have a purpose. You see, I have come to find that men as a species are expendable and always will be. I have seen wars come and go, various man-made disasters, and the other kind that seem like an act of God. In each of these I have seen the breach filled with human lives. Eaten up and destroyed, sometimes to return; more often than not to disappear.

I have played my part in these. I was lucky in a few cases to be thrown into the breach and come up for sweet air afterwards. Many of those who went with me did not fare as well. Others were scarred by it and they are the haunting reminder of what came to pass. I see them in my bar whether they are real or not I still pour the drink to honour them.

I have come to know a great tragedy and that is when a man is unloved. I have seen boys killed, dying in silence, pure courage in the face of final knowledge that no one will suffer heartbreak at their passing. These men are often mourned as a group, but by and large the individual is forgotten.

It is why I seek purpose in my little bar. I fulfill a need for those who seek inebriated distraction, which is an important aspect of our society. Yet, even here in my domain I see the boys who are unloved and who move through life largely unmalevolent. I see them as the ones who stand just outside the group, the lonely drinker, or the fellas paying for drinks in the small hope that later that evening he may disguise pleasure as love for a few moments at least.

It helps that I serve a purpose. It helps to have my patrons to focus on to distract me from the oppressive truth that I am indeed unloved. I will say this to the passerby who feels as I do that there is some benefit to our condition. It is that we can move through life untethered and without fear that when greatness or opportunity knocks we will need not hesitate to answer the call.

It is why so many idealistic boys go into the breach. It is why we are expendable. Because many of us are unloved and seek greatness as a substitute.