The Maturation of Whisky and its Perils

Some years and months ago, spirit was distilled and reckoned good enough to be put into an oak cask with heavy char. It would sit and breathe in the goings-on around it and would record the disturbances and actions taking place in its vicinity; imbuing those perturbations into the liquid held inside.

Some disturbances reach further with their ripples than others. An oversized truck barreling down a road adjacent to the rick-house would send its vibrations into the spirit coaxing the precious liquid further into the oak. A particularly cold winter that out-does the heating capacity of the building will force the wood to contract and expel some of its saturation, slowing the hard-won progress until warmth returns to the cockles of the stout 200 liter barrel, allowing absorption like the embrace of a long not seen friend.

The maturation process also keeps secrets. A late night tryst between distiller and visitor. A juxtaposition of senses: for the distiller the visitor is all long blonde hair and blue eyes to see and rough much pocked hands running over intoxicating smoothness to touch. The barrel becomes party to them as much needed support, the aroma of the visitor permanently etched into the rough surface as the slow inhalation of its surroundings continues. Muted are the complaints in reaction to a small travesty as an errant thrust dislodges the bung from its hole, irrevocably changing the course of the whisky’s history by prematurely exposing it to the open air. Its revenge, though not malicious in nature, is to lose a greater percentage of its volume, that is greater appeasement of the angels that continuously take their share. It will be noted on a spreadsheet in some years time by the distiller and the tax man. The visitor who languished so sensuously and briefly  on the barrel will have long since removed the dust and soot inherent to aging casks and the offense of it long forgotten. The distiller filed in the visitors memory under the heading, interesting-setting-but-mediocre-lover.

Some years even further from that time someone might comment that that particular batch of whisky had some hint of longing, sweet misery, and playful boyishness. Perhaps, a combination of extra oxidization and a spike in evaporation, but really it is the maturation process’ secret laid bare for all to see.

Once finally emptied, the cask would still remember its liquid mate. Bathed in it for many years it would be hard to forget. Some time later after sitting and slowly expelling the memories it would be sent somewhere else. A new mate, but with different purpose. New disturbances and once again the bonding and percolation of history into the new spirit. A more focused distiller to be sure, but missed are the late night visits and feelings of uniqueness that it had once enjoyed. Before, one of a hundred, now; one of thousands and thousands. No more touches, slaps, or caresses. A more modern facility and so too are absent the vibrations from nearby trundling trucks, or cold winters to weather, or impromptu use as a lover’s surface.

Instead, many years of the same. Temperature controlled and visits few and far in-between. Solitude and pensiveness as spirit and oak mingle, still too the old spirit echoing forward in the future. Much longer this time until the barrel spear comes. The whisky this time does not raise any eyebrows from distiller or tax man. Gone are the notes of longing and playfulness; replaced instead, by notes of measured fortitude, patience, and as one drinker would note a by-the-numbers-whisky that pleases and reassures.

Once again shipped to parts unknown. This time a small cooperage. A fire built for a viking funeral. The farm hands, the pall bearers, are not gentle and with rough hands and rough tools they bring the barrel, bereft of its heads, to the fire’s edge. They scour the inside with sanders and plannars and the cask marvels as it feels the layers of char stripped away to reveal heretofore oak not touched by the light of day or the wetness of whisky. Then unto the pyre tossed to sit for some long seconds. Heavy char. But where there should be excruciating pain there is instead a renewed sense of usefulness. Removed from the flame and heads restored, a gleaming question forms in the barrel’s mind: “What next could I be?”

I would like to deconstruct something…

Okay let’s break it down like a shotgun, folks. You see, there is something very sick and wrong with the way things are today. Not just in the general sense but on a very individual level. Not even just a societal thing, but; you,you,YOU, and; me, me, ME!

It is so easy to point the finger and say no, not me, not me, sir. You are mistaken,you see I read Foucault and I have several bound books on my shelf that I look at longingly. No there is no wool over my eyes. But, you’re wrong. The thing is you have been deceived to believe that that matters. It doesn’t, you’re not beautiful enough and I’m sorry but it’s a problem.

Everything has become so visual and that’s the problem. Before reality was just reality, plain and simple. You walked out side and you saw a drunk at your door, or you’d see one travesty after another and it would be real and you would become desensitized that way. Now nothing is real. Everything that is visually consumed is some sort of magic trick and the magicians are the beautiful people.

People used to be so in tune with each other that there was a communal unspoken language that could be interpreted as telepathy. Now? People have to be overt. There is no more body language, instead just bright colours that we wear obscenely to make ourselves different from the next person. “Oh gosh, Lucy, you wore blue today? Fuck me, Lucy, you stupid bitch today is a pastel yellow day.” Yeah, yeah… I know it all sounds insane, but you know. Deep down inside you know.

We are weeding out ugliness in our ranks. Even now there are legal proceedings to determine if someone is beautiful enough to be right or wrong. Before, the gods could preside over trial by combat, but now that the gods have all been murdered in their sleep there is no real justice. So, people have tried to make themselves beautiful by mutilating their bodies, or tapping into a sub-genre of not-so-ugly so that they too can be loved. But, the devil is in the details. They may pass for a while, but they might have kids and when others realized they have passed themselves off as beautiful they will kill those children. Trust me, it’s already happening.

I would feel bad for those beautiful people if they weren’t fucking things up for our species so much. They have performed the magic trick too well, they have gotten their way. Now, that is all there is to aspire to. You have to be beautiful or else. Maybe not this generation, maybe not the next, but soon, in the grand scheme of things they are going to start culling. They will be praised for it. How could they not? You’ve already seen it happen. The beautiful blonde girl goes to the hovel to help and on a mission of world betterment, but at the end they simply got some pictures and videos of them beside the ugly people. It is proof that their ultimate plans of genocide were benevolent.

Eventually, it will just be the beautiful ones. They will die in opulence with a mirror overhead, but that too will come to an end. They will be brilliant and beautiful and they will have destroyed anything unique about humanity and then once that is gone they will kill each other out of spite. The killing will be barbaric, that’s one thing about ugly folks like me, we are good killers. Beautiful people want everything to be clean, you know, a fell swoop. Well that’s not how it goes when you want to kill your fellow man. Plus, in the pursuit of beauty I am assuming they will have forgotten a lot of important things along the way.

Ha-ha! I can’t help but laugh. It a real fucking tickler, you know? The old adages are true and none truer than beauty being skin deep. You know how I know? Because I have ripped and torn into people. With my bare hands even and let me be the first to tell you what is inside is not pretty at all. Sure, there is a certain aesthetic to it. Indeed, indeed I will be the first to admit that there is something about blood and gore, but you tear a man open and things get messy quick.

Anyway, anyway, you don’t need my life story. You have most of it on camera anyway don’t you? Can you hear me out there? Can you heeeeaaaarrrrr me?

Burn me up…

…let me pretend I was beautiful in the dark.

These last breaths I breathe in defiance of what we have become.

* * * *

“God-fucking-damnit!” A man leans heavily on a desk equipped with a microphone that sits not far from his dry, much chewed, lips.

“What is it? Have you managed to talk to him? The cutters should be through the hull in a minute or two.”

The man’s shoulders hunch and his head drops lower, “No. He’s gone.”

“WHAT?!”

A pause

“The cutters are through… Oh, Christ.” The woman watching the progress of the rescue team covers her mouth. Her eyes are wide with fear and disbelief.

“He killed them.”

“I thought you were communicating with him? We saw the life-signs they were good. He had enough air to last another 10-15 minutes at least. We were going to save him!”

The man shakes his head and looks over at the woman in the command station with him. She is tall and blonde, her lips are perfect and full and despite the ordeal they had been through the last hour trying to rescue the floating ship, she looked delightful.

He stops a moment to consider her and what the lone survivor said.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Lucy, but that bastard talked himself to death.”

Why am I here?

I write and enjoy writing. It is a way to mash together thoughts and feelings into a narrative that may or may not make sense once it has made its way onto the page. However, enjoyment is not enough. Simple introspection every now and then isn’t the key to becoming better. I require regimen and self-discipline, so that I may evolve as a writer.

Self betterment is always a good flag to rally under. However, if the truth is to be told the real reason for undertaking this journey is recognition. Everyone dreams of toiling and having their efforts recognized. The cadet at boot-camp who impresses the Drill Sergeant, so much that it exposes a soft crack in the hard facade. Well, maybe that will happen. At the very least I will get some push ups in.

Women. I have always believed(with child-like ignorance) that the key to success with the fairer sex comes down to the right words. Yes, yes. How they are spoken matters as well, but I think the core of what is important are the words. A lot of what I write about has to do with relationships and the insanity of them all. The ones that work often look bizarre on paper and the ones that don’t appear picture perfect from the outside. This is not an advice column. Unless you count learning from my mistakes as advice.

Most importantly, this is all about world domination. Why shouldn’t my personal revolution make its mark on the globe? Perhaps, one day as I sit lazily on my platinum throne I will remember this moment and smile at the feeble first steps I took. But, first steps always need to be taken and these may lead to fortune or ruin. Let’s check back in later and see, shall we?

Introspection, world domination, impressing ladies… Hmmm… I think that about covers it. Really, this is for me to write and continue writing. Whatever else comes of it is gravy, friends.