The Afterlife.

There have been deeper despairs, sure. Indeed, there have been many times when he slipped back into the hole. But, tonight there was a definite air of melancholy. It was thick and it oozed from the walls and the windows. Even the bright light of midday could not penetrate it.

Most despair looks the same. Dark, for sure. In this case, it is represented as a man who cannot stop staring at his cracked wall. He sits on a off-white couch with shoulders slouched forward and simply stares. It is the ultimate waste of time, but in that for him it is symbolic of the fact that everything is a waste of time. That all these little stupid distractions are simply a waste of breathe.

If you end it early, opt to get out, one might be labeled as a coward or there would be an inaccurate representation of the true history and from the heavenly fields that would be quite vexing.

Which, of course brings us to the real reason most people who feel that nothing matters, don’t just simply end it right then and there and that is because we don’t know what happens next. There has to be something, no? Even if it is nothing, that would have to be represented in some small way. Perhaps, Nothingness is simply a pinhole of white light in a dark void. Something that one focuses on and works towards, but never really reaches.

This is what we know for sure. When people are near death they scream and moan about a light. Perhaps, as one dies, this light narrows to a pinpoint and it is chased through the eons until finally a high consciousness is reached. This is because when you focus on a pin-prick of light one finally understands that everything is encapsulated there.

I look around frantically. Did I figure it out? Am I going to ascend???

Nope. Unfortunately not. I am still here, but goddamn if it isn’t a swell idea. A swell idea indeed don’t you think?

This is it. I am going to really discover what it is all about. So, maybe it isn’t a pin-prick of light in a dark void. Perhaps, there is more to it than that, Perhaps, the afterlife truly is nothingness with no people, no morning coffee, no sadness, no hatred, no bad blowjobs, no mediocre sex, no racism, no funny racist jokes, no people to blame, just a vast plane of nothingness. Would it even be perceived? Maybe certain people can do it. The people who understand that the fabric of what we call reality is so tenuous they would understand that the thin membrane of what is real and what is make believe is permeable and lucid. These people would know the truth and be Gods in the next world as they are able to command it to their will.

No, no, no, you idiot that is too much like The Matrix. So much faith that this is all a simulation is really your erotic sub-conscious pushing it’s way through. It is ALL real and really has to be. It has to be, because, what about Lizzy? She has to find love. It has to be real because she worked so hard to get those implants and those injections.

What about Avery? He worked so hard at the gym and he sweated and toiled and in the end he looked good. Sure, he didn’t look like a celluloid super-hero, but he looked better than he did before. We can’t let Avery know that it’s all a scam. It has to be real because it needs to be for them. The dreamers. The ones who seek to make themselves better. And better. And better. And better than me. They are all so good and better and engineered and welcome amongst those who come and go in our world.

It needs to be real. No, no, no it is not a fabrication because of them.

Or, it it? Because of them?